Young People Ask

QUESTION YOUNG PEOPLE ASK !!!

I'm Afraid I Won't Wait to Have Sex
Tim Stafford answers your questions

For several years now, I've kept my pledge to save myself for marriage. But a lot of people I respect like my mom, my sister and a lot of my friends, think it's stupid to save myself for marriage. No one thinks I'm going to be able to follow through on my commitment. They say it's just not normal to wait until you're married to have sex. I want to prove my family wrong, but I'm also afraid they'll be right in the end. What should I do?

I'm proud of you for setting a direction you know is right. It's difficult when you aren't around people who support you. Some people will scoff at your pledge because they find it threatening. They've messed up, and they want to think that everybody else does the same. It's a strange way to prop up your self-image, but lots of people do it.

They're wrong, though. You can follow through on your commitment. In fact, for most of history, people considered your approach the natural one. They thought those who didn't save themselves for marriage were the ones who were strange.

"Normal" depends on who your friends are. I would strongly recommend you go looking for some new friends. Keep your old friends, and continue to love your family. But do find some other adults, like your youth pastor or a godly person at your church, who will encourage you to stick with your commitment. You badly need a peer group that understands and shares your beliefs. Look for a Christian group with a serious commitment. Check out churches and fellowships until you find a place where you're supported and strengthened.

DID GOD LET THIS HAPPEN ?
Q: I'm really confused about something. I love my boyfriend, and we've promised to stay together, no matter what. I'd been wondering if God would mind if we had sex, because we are committed to each other. I prayed that if he thought the time was right, he would let it happen. We came close to having sex a few times after that, but something always stopped us. Then, a few days ago, we did have sex. I'm wondering: Since God allowed that to happen, is he OK with it?

A: Sometimes it is hard to figure out what God's plan is. But this is not one of those times.

Although the world around us is confused about sex, God has made his plan for sex very clear through his Word. It's a plan that applies to everyone, no matter what their situation. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrew 13:4, NIV). The standard is consistent throughout the Bible: If you're married, you have sex. If you're not, you don't. It doesn't say anything about people who are "committed to each other."

God created sexual pleasure, excitement and intimacy. He made it as the sign and seal of absolute, lifelong love. He intended sexual partners to be bonded together, never to be broken apart. That's marriage, as God intended it. "Commit-ted" just doesn't cut it.

If you think about it, you'll understand why. The type of commitment you have often fails. It's not likely that a romance you're involved in during high school will lead to marriage. Sex is too special and bonds you in a way that is too powerful for relationships other than marriage.

If it sounds like I'm being tough on you, I am. I'm doing this for two reasons: First, I think you may be asking a question that you already know the answer to. Deep inside, I think you know that looking for mysterious signs (like "something always stopped us," or "since God allowed it to happen") is a pretty unreliable way to figure out God's will.

Second, your way of thinking is dangerous. Think about it. Because we live in a fallen, broken world, things happen every day that are outside of God's perfect plan�€”things he's definitely not OK with, even though he allows them to happen. If you want to know God's will about sex, you don't have to look for signs. Just read the Bible.

My encouragement: Ask God to forgive you (he will), and then commit yourself to sexual purity until marriage. But don't go it alone. Find someone who can hold you accountable to God's standards for sexual purity. It would be best if this were a Christian woman who will show you understanding, and yet hold you to God's standards for sex. Please make changes, starting today. It's the best, right and healthy thing to do.

SHOULD WE FEEL BAD ?
Q: My girlfriend and I are really involved in church. We're serious about our faith. Both of our parents are Christians and have important positions at our church. The thing is, her parents have set a lot of "boundaries" for our relationship. For example, we're not allowed to kiss. At first, we thought it was a good rule. But since it wasn't our decision, it was hard to follow. Lately, we've started to kiss on the cheek whenever we say hello or goodbye. It really doesn't feel wrong. Should we feel bad for disobeying her parents' rules?

A: If your girlfriend's parents set some rules, you need to obey them. The principle is important. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1, NIV). You want your relationship with your girlfriend and her parents to be built on honesty and truth.

I'd recommend you ask her parents to meet with the two of you. Sit down with them and say that you're finding the rules difficult, because your relationship has grown and you want to express your affection for each other in a tender but honorable way. Explain what rules you have trouble with, and propose another set of rules that you think would be right. In other words, come up with your own set of rules, and let your girlfriend's parents think about them.

I can't guarantee that her parents will agree to your proposal. In that case, you should continue to abide by their rules. Continue to treat them with honor and respect. You want to emerge with your honesty and positive attitude intact.